Engagement & Marriage
So now that I am Engaged things have begun to change. Some things hard but it has always been for the better as we have pushed thru the barriers of life.
Many guys think of getting married as a loss of themselves and a loss of true happiness. You know how I know this? Because I have had a lot of discouraging comments from numerous men, such as “things are gonna change” (in a bad tone) “Just give her what she wants, she’s always gotta be right,” and many others. All of these statements have a root to them which I believe has been built into men’s minds by our culture.
Many men think also that they are just going to move into a house with their wife and they will just be roommates. Though they don’t always voice these things so obviously, they do come out it conversation.
One of the main reasons I believe this mindset has crept into so many men from the Christian to non-Christian, from the rich to the poor. Is because of porn and the massive amount of images shown to us every time we turn the corner. It has made women out to be objects which we are to use, whether used sexually, emotionally, for our image, or many other reasons. Our so called “Love” is not truly love at all but it is what Jesus says about the robber who comes “to steal, and pillage”. Deeply imbedded in our hearts is not love!! Its lust and overflowing of wickedness.
I know much of this because I am a man who has grown up in this culture experienced it all and is not too far in my walk with Jesus(about 3ish years) so I have been dealing with a lot of baggage. If you read my blog post “a serial Confessionist & the holiness of God” you will see part of the way I have overcome many of these mindsets.
But before I got engaged a dear friend and mentor Spencer Plumlee set me down and called me out. He brought my selfishness to the light and exposed much of this attitude that I have thus explained to you previously about using girls. Now don’t get me wrong I love Jennifer with my whole heart. But deep down inside I still had the stench of Selfishness growing. That day when Spencer sat me down we talked about my decision to die to self and serve Jennifer. And that day I made the decision and since then it has been hard but it has truly reaped a better reward in the long run and has brought me so much closer to Jen and God. Much of what we talked about came from this verse.
Ephesians 5:25-33 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. “
I want to focus on the first part of this verse. God has been teaching me so much concerning my duties and my heart with this verse.
1.) He has shown me that if I humbly serve Jennifer and love her then I am following Christ.
2.) If I take responsibility as Christ did this is truly the way things are supposed to work.
First if I love her and serve her this is truly the way that God changes her not me calling her out and trying to change her. See if we both want our own ways and expect things our way we will always have disagreement and always be fighting over whose way we should follow. But if I consistently model an attitude of service to her this frees us both up to love for each other and makes her more willing to want to serve me. See Christ didn’t wait for us to come to Him but he came to us and was the initiator of Love towards us that “while we were still sinners Christ died for us” therefore we should love and serve even without the right response. And every time we don’t get the right response we should remember how we have done the same to Christ and yet he Responds with Love.
Second, This is a key thing I have been learning. A reason why we as males think it’s the end of our lives because of RESPONSIBILITY. We think that responsibility is the devil and the kill-joy of our free lives in where we can do whatever we want. See we get the desire to not take responsibility or not be committed from our first Father Adam. See when Adam and Eve sinned God came to Adam first as the Responsible one and asked what he had done and instead of taking responsibility he blame shifted and said “it was the woman” and since that day men have been blaming women for their lack of taking Responsibility!
But responsibility is not the kill-joy but it is a key which sets us free. See Christ was perfect and sinless yet he took responsibility for OUR sins on the cross. He also took responsibility for the Church and took her as his Bride. In the same way men when we get married we are to take responsibility for the woman and realize its following after Christ. Even when you fight and have done nothing wrong you still take the responsibility for the sin and ask her for forgiveness. I know this takes a lot of humility, something we as men lack. I will be honest this is not easy. But I will also be honest it is the most freeing thing ever and it brings me deeper into identity with Christ! I’m not always perfect, so don’t hear me say that. But God is working and I know this is the ways.
So before you get married men realize what you are called to. Don’t You Dare Get Married If You Haven’t Made Up Your Mind To Die To Self!! I know you won’t be perfect, but it’s the only way. If you think she is going to be your toy or your roommate you are in for some hurt. Truly love her as Christ did and take responsibility! And serve her! This is what True love is and it’s the way of Jesus.
