Identity Crisis

            Sometimes, I feel as though I am very immature. Sadly many of my actions show that to be true. It’s not as though some of these actions, whether is be a stupid joke or a silly poking at someone, are sin. But they are often unnecessary and I know that. But the thing is that I don’t know what to do about them. I don’t want to be fake. But I know maturity is necessary for me to be a Pastor. It is as if there is a line in the sand that I keep missing due to the winds of life.

            This is where my wife comes into play. She is such a blessing and a great help mate. Sadly but truly, these actions mentioned previously often embarrass her. This sometimes fuels the rebel in me to desire to do them even more because as mentioned previously I justify them by saying, “there not sin.” So my immaturity seems to perpetuate in this cycle where I feel crippled by my sometimes-childish actions and yet justify them.

“Where is the end to this cycle?” is a question I sometimes ask. Or “Would this have been different if I had been raised by a Christian father?” Am I an untamed dragon as Donald Miller properly assesses in his book, “To own a dragon”. This is me behind the veil.

            Yet God continues to teach me how to be mature even though some of these actions and childish tendencies persist.

The only solution I can find is Jesus…I know, your thinking I’m just being cheesy or over spiritualizing things or giving vague platitudes.  But this is really the only place that my soul has found identity. When this identity Crisis comes upon me Christ intervenes. My immaturity comes crushing in and brings me to my knees because I have tried to stop but can’t…without his help. My old sinful self died when Jesus died on the cross. My new identity is found when I die to self my surrendering to Jesus and Obeying Him. He makes me able to selflessly serve my wife. He tames my anger that flares up at every turn. He gives me patience to bear with trials. He gives me joy when my heart is overwhelming heavy with life. My identity is in Jesus. He will help mature me.

            Please brothers and sisters in Christ pray for my maturity and encourage me in my weakness. As Paul says, “I do those things which I hate”. While I’m not sure if Paul was taking directly about immaturity but I definitely know he was referring to sin. May Jesus mature each one of us.

Ephesians 2:4-5, “ But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—“

4:21-24, “²¹ assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, ²² to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, ²³ and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Are you living in reality?

Sometimes I get this eerie feeling that a lot of people are being drawn into fantasy rather than reality. What I mean by this is that instead of facing true reality we would rather watch someone else’s life or a made up story or even play a character in another reality. More specifically, I think that the stories created by Hollywood seem to always captivate our minds rather than our own lives. Or perhaps we are on Facebook making our lives look better than they are as we peer into other people’s lives looking on with envy.  Or perhaps we are sucked into a video game where we are a mage or soldier in the infantry. All of these options seem to be prevalent in our American culture. Yet all of these options in some way get us away from our daily human interaction. All of these options seem to distract us as many of our lives crumble from secret sins or bad choices.  Maybe we dwell so much in fantasyland because we are frustrated and can’t figure out what to do with the problems we face. Maybe the reason many people allow themselves to be drawn away from real life is because they don’t want to face reality?

            I think that there are several options for why Americans are so obsessed with fantasy rather then reality:

1.     Many of us think our lives suck. We have chased material things. Tried to find joy in every area we think possible yet are never satisfied so we run to fantasy.

2.     Some of us have made and continue to make poor decisions. Whether we have burned bridges with those close to us or sinned so greatly we can’t face it.

3.     We don’t feel like our lives are adventurous enough. We think that our lives are boring so we run to more adventures.

4.     The let us escape from forming true deep relationships with others because relationships are hard and we often mess up.

All of these are symptoms of our hearts that are at unrest. As Augustine once said, “Our hearts are restless until they find rest in God.” God wants to give us wisdom to face our trials head on. If only we would read His Word. God wants to forgive us and give us restoration for our sin. If only we would confess and turn to Him. God wants to give us the power to overcome the sins we struggle with. If only we would believe that the Spirit that lives within believers is powerful enough. God wants us to stop seeking other things to satisfy our hearts. If we would just rest in Him. God wants us to have healthy relationships with others. If we would seek Him first then put others before ourselves. God wants to heal our brokenness. If we would just come to Him.

Many of those things mentioned at the beginning of this blog are not bad. They are sometimes neutral or good things. Yet when we let them consume our hearts and take us away from reality we often become deceived by lies, consumed by these things, and our hearts grow hard towards God. God wants our lives to be an adventure. He has placed each one of us where we are for a reason. Let us seek Him and His ways first. Then God will teach us how to rightly live in reality.

John 4:13-14 Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”