Identity Crisis

            Sometimes, I feel as though I am very immature. Sadly many of my actions show that to be true. It’s not as though some of these actions, whether is be a stupid joke or a silly poking at someone, are sin. But they are often unnecessary and I know that. But the thing is that I don’t know what to do about them. I don’t want to be fake. But I know maturity is necessary for me to be a Pastor. It is as if there is a line in the sand that I keep missing due to the winds of life.

            This is where my wife comes into play. She is such a blessing and a great help mate. Sadly but truly, these actions mentioned previously often embarrass her. This sometimes fuels the rebel in me to desire to do them even more because as mentioned previously I justify them by saying, “there not sin.” So my immaturity seems to perpetuate in this cycle where I feel crippled by my sometimes-childish actions and yet justify them.

“Where is the end to this cycle?” is a question I sometimes ask. Or “Would this have been different if I had been raised by a Christian father?” Am I an untamed dragon as Donald Miller properly assesses in his book, “To own a dragon”. This is me behind the veil.

            Yet God continues to teach me how to be mature even though some of these actions and childish tendencies persist.

The only solution I can find is Jesus…I know, your thinking I’m just being cheesy or over spiritualizing things or giving vague platitudes.  But this is really the only place that my soul has found identity. When this identity Crisis comes upon me Christ intervenes. My immaturity comes crushing in and brings me to my knees because I have tried to stop but can’t…without his help. My old sinful self died when Jesus died on the cross. My new identity is found when I die to self my surrendering to Jesus and Obeying Him. He makes me able to selflessly serve my wife. He tames my anger that flares up at every turn. He gives me patience to bear with trials. He gives me joy when my heart is overwhelming heavy with life. My identity is in Jesus. He will help mature me.

            Please brothers and sisters in Christ pray for my maturity and encourage me in my weakness. As Paul says, “I do those things which I hate”. While I’m not sure if Paul was taking directly about immaturity but I definitely know he was referring to sin. May Jesus mature each one of us.

Ephesians 2:4-5, “ But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved—“

4:21-24, “²¹ assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, ²² to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, ²³ and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, ²⁴ and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.